Don’t feel terrible that you can’t motivate yourself to go to the gym or class. These are problems that I struggle with every day. Not out of anything else but pure laziness.
The real issues here are those feelings from the past and your current relationship issues.
Don’t be afraid to speak to a psychologist, and do try your best to open yourself to what they have to say. They are there to help, not lecture you. Whatever you do, you can’t just keep on dealing it with the way you have been dealing with it. You need to try something new. You need lifestyle changes that will take the stress off you for a while. Maybe some time away from classes to figure things out.
Alright, but listen: do not compare yourself with others. That was the defining characteristic of your original post. It is very easy to set impossible objectives for yourself at that rate. You will see the best in everyone, without realizing that people are always putting their best foot forward and hide their inadequacies from the public. Would you be surprised to consider that others might be envious of you as well? Envy is not a very good thing. It is the secret mechanism, the gears of society. It wants what others have, and is never satisfied.
Learn to be content with what you have. Two friends is not shabby, most people I know have around two friends. If they have any more, they are often complaining about the qualities in their friends. You seem to be doing fairly well in school in general. You’re basically in the top 0.1% of the world, education wise. Not many people in society manage to come close to your level of education, and most societies in the world are not even capable of producing the education level that you are at. So you have to consider your blessings here.
Anyways. I’ll end my rant there. I hope you can find some value in my words, they’re not the greatest but maybe they can offer some unique perspectives.
I am very self aware and know what issues I face inside my mind. I never saw the point of seeing anyone because they would tell me exactly what I already knew. It was just how I was and this is what I’m stuck with.
That was until I went for too long with too much stuff and I found myself cracking. I would feel myself slipping into depression and life was just getting too much.
I’ve seen people before and they all told me I had my head screwed on and knew what issues I faced and there wasn’t much more they could do with me. So I was very hesitant in wasting my time and money again.
But even if it’s just to brain dump it’s helping me. She hasn’t exactly told me how to fix the issues I face or how to change my behaviour but we’re working through it and I get to talk to her without any concern about how I will be looked at next time i see her.